Hello,
I've just received an amazing question from a fellow fitness enthusiast, Dr.Fox aka the Lifting Dermatologist and it is such a great question that I simply feel that's it's a good time to start a Q&A series. I'll call it "The Inspirational Q&A series". The very first question I received is about compliments - when you manage to change the way you look, people notice and tend to make remarks, some positive, some not-so-positive. Sometimes we even get a sense that the compliment is actually a veiled negative feedback. So, is there a right way to respond?
My short and simple answer is definitely yes - just take, or pretend to take, the compliment at face value. Smile, say thank you and enjoy your day as it just became a little bit better (you were complimented, weren't you?). As a psychiatrist though, I always think about people's motives, conscious or not, as well as my own reactions and way of thinking. Generally, I see a couple of reasons for you not being sure about how to respond to compliments.
First of all, your cultural norms - for example I was born and raised in Soviet Union and we are conditioned to minimize the compliments and to be humble. We always tend to bring back some reasons for not accepting our achievements. It is almost the opposite in North America - we praise even minimal achievements to the point of devaluing real ones. In any case, in any culture it's normal to provide a minimal and polite response like "thank you" showing that you acknowledged the compliment and are grateful for it, even if you feel that this compliment is fake or ill-intentioned.
What you do with this information and whether you accept the compliment is another thing and I can see how you might have some second thoughts about compliments. First of all, you may doubt the sincerity of the person who compliments you - again, in some cultures it's almost imperative to praise others and in some cases, people are being sarcastic or mean when they are making a compliment. Surprisingly, even if they are being passive-aggressive, the best way to respond is to say thank you and to take the compliment at its face value. It simply means that you chose to ignore their negativity - in the end of the day you don't have to feed the trolls!
On the other hand, you may doubt yourself being worthy of this compliment due to something that we call negative cognitions of cognitive biases. Say, you don't feel to be very muscular or very lean while someone says that you look like you've lost weight or asks if you are working out. I think it's the best moment to for a reality check and to reinforce your motivation whether this reality check was positive or not.
To sum it up, when you receive compliments respond to them in neutral-positive fashion and take them at their face value. It doesn't really matter whether the person complimenting you is sincere or not, don't let others affect your life in a negative way and use any social interaction to your advantage.
Sincerely Yours,
Dr.Sam